Adjusting

Thanks girls for the comments. They really mean a lot. :)

Well, the supplemental nursing system contraption didn't work out so well. I broke down Tuesday night and gave him a bottle for the first time, just sure that once I did he would never latch on again and that breastfeeding would be over. But, Wednesday morning, we breastfed for a little while and he latched great! I'm hoping that these bottles that I have may actually help because you have to do the same motions as breastfeeding and they are shaped more like an actual breast. Anyway, my hope now is that if we breastfeed 3 or 4 times a day, that he will still remember how and when he is strong enough we will be able to breastfeed more often. For now, I am pumping and supplementing with an ounce or two here and there of hypoallergenic formula because this kid just needs to gain weight already! He sleeps almost all the time and he is only back up to 8 pounds and he is 2 weeks old on Monday! So the pediatrician says to keep feeding him as much as we possibly can before his 2 week check and see how he is gaining. So, it seems that breastfeeding, for the time being, is becoming recreation rather than a substantial feeding for Oliver since he is unable to get much out, but when I pump afterward I get a lot. I hope he is able to breastfeed more effectively in the future, but I think I have come to terms with the fact that he just might not be able to be a breastfed baby. But, I am not giving up yet! I see the lactation consultant tomorrow again (why not, they already charged me the copay for the month! :) and I am going to see if she has any suggestions about what I should do and if breastfeeding in the future is at all a possibility and how I can make it so Oliver will remember how and still associate the breast with food.

Although I was a complete wreck when this all started to fall apart, I am feeling better now and not as,well, distraught. I have enough perspective now to say, ya know this is Oliver and this is the way he needs to eat. It's not about whether or not I am going to be successful at breastfeeding or successful at it the way I wanted to be. My main reason for wanting to breastfeed from the breast was the convenience factor; with a toddler running around, I just figured it would be so much easier to just whip out the boob rather than have to wash lots of bottles and I know we can't afford formula, much less this crazily expensive hypoallergenic formula.

They have me on Reglan to increase my milk supply, but one LC I talked to said that has a lot of bad side effects and suggested this canadian medicine domperidone, so I am going to try that next.

I am really praying that in a few weeks, when Oliver gets his strength up, we will be able to breastfeed more effectively! I can tell it is something he enjoys and it would be so much easier for me! I do find that now that I am making adjustments, I am enjoying being a mother of two so much more! Putting all that pressure on myself was way too stressful. :)